Respect for Healing

Dec 1, 2020
The morning sunrise with Venus over the horizon.

Many years ago, I attempted to become an actor.  And when I tried to act like something outside of myself, it felt ingenuine, it felt surreal and not natural for an otherwise stoic person like myself to perform.  It wasn't me in an authentic sense of the word, but it was another part of me in what would become yet another attempt at being something other than myself.

The encouragement to act came from my brief career as a professional car salesman, and the natural ease that I found in mirroring the behavior of others.  It was never intended as a scam, or as a deceptive practice of any type, but once you get to know people, and become familiar with the trove of personality types that you'll come across in a retail setting, you begin to imagine your work as more creative than it may be.  I mean, a creative salesperson must be into some type of gimmicks, right?

Somewhere back there, in the formative years of, say, 2003 – 2006, I decided to give it a try with a local acting coach.  He was mostly known for his work in local commercials in the Midwest and Chicago markets, and began offering these small acting workshops out of the need for representation in the Columbus, Ohio area.  His workshops were held in the basement of a local church, and whose teaching responsibilities were shared with another Columbus-based actor, that may be more well known for his TV roles and film.

Becoming an actor was something that I found myself daydreaming of when I was waiting for customers in the used car lot, and it was a skill and a talent that I often imagined myself being good at.  I was also still young enough to pull it off, I told myself, and as my late twenties approached me, I felt the need to push into the unknown with yet another new career choice.  What I didn't realize, however, is that acting, or acting well to put it more precisely, is a real skill and while the audience may not immediately realize it, deserves respect when you're convinced of an authentic performance.

One of the written works that we were introduced to was Respect for Acting, foretold by the late actress Uta Hagen in 1973.  While I don't remember the specifics of this book, what I took away from it is that acting is real work, and my attempt at the creative visualization process or imagining myself becoming good at it, and therefore becoming a well-respected actor, are two totally different things.  Imagining myself becoming a good actor, and performing in front of people and cameras and lights are not the same thing and overcoming the fear of this discomfort of “Why am I doing this?” was a totally disheartening experience.  Ah!  The delusion of grandeur!

Healing Begins with Honesty

Fast forward to many years later and I find myself turning the tables on this very topic.  After having dealt with many different celebrities over the last few years, and after seeing just how slow both Hollywood and Washington D.C. tend to move, they do move at their own pace if you haven't noticed, I find myself at the beginning of a new story and one that is entirely focused on the healing process, rather than the performance itself.

I can't help but say it, but Hollywood, and Washington D.C. for that matter, are both filled with deception and this is the type of deception that we line up and pay for.  It's the same illusion that cast Neo in a certain light during the filming of The Matrix, and it's the same type of delusion that our elected officials are simultaneously fighting for, and against; both with and without, the public's consent.  This isn't to say that good can't come from the world's current set of predicaments, it's only to say that we're all stuck in the same illusion, and dealing with the attachments of our physical perceptions.

It's enough to say that becoming a good healer, or a respected therapist, are not all that unlike of an actor.  The difference, however, is that for those of us that have been called to heal, and to share our knowledge with those of like mind, must also have gone through the multitudes our own somatic releases.  This includes the uncomfortable part of knowing oneself intimately well, including the shadow self, and all of the negative connotations that come along with it.  This is what Luke did with Vader, his natural born father, and what Ryan is doing with his own counterpart – they're befriending their own shadow and in an effort to move through the darkness and become closer to the light.

I've been fortunate to work with, and learn from, many a talented healers, therapists, and instructors, and one thing that I've learned is that we've all got medicine to work with.  We've all got this stuff inside of us that we can heal from, if we choose to, and that fortunately or otherwise, is often covered-up with the many layers of mental conditioning, personal preferences, social programming, or whatever else may distract us along the way.  I've also learned, that as therapists, this is what we've been searching for – our own medicine – or those spiritual ailments that have called us into practice in the first place.

When I began putting myself back together, back in early 2018, I hadn't decided on which way to go.  I knew that my work in Columbus wasn't finished, and I knew that I had more work to do, rather than the work that I had performed online during the previous years.  Since then, I've whittled my work down to two distinct types of bodywork, that I'm now integrating into one seamless experience.  Excluding acupuncture, which I should begin studying in the upcoming year, and including the use of my web-based mirrors, which I tend to use for my own purposes, I find myself more willing to share what I've learned along the way.

There's been a lot of taking throughout the last 10+ years and there's been a lot of blame coming from the relationships in Columbus, and while I won't defend the decisions that have been made on other people's behalf, I can choose to leave them where there are.  I can choose to learn from this, and to let go of those negative connotations that have tainted my reputation along the way.  I can also choose to be grateful for those in my life that are aligned with this work, and for those that are willing to begin their own self-inquiries, and for their own soul's purpose.  There's a well-known quote that's along the lines of: “The world needs you to heal your wounds, now more than ever.”  And it couldn't be more true.

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